Happy Birthday Matt

Today is the anniversary of the birth of a future rock God, and what's far, far scarier is that I have a 16 year old son. Eek.

Cartoon for internet company

Brilliant internet company situated in West Cork, Ireland, check out there website here

Dating Service

Rejection 3

Rejection 2

On Fairy Tale Idol- the judge is deciding who will be voted off based on their porridge making skills...

Rejection

New Message

Relationships they come and go
You've had your share I guess,
But none compare to this ego blow
Your girlfriend's dumped you by text

An ignominious ending then
There's no point getting vexed
You know that these things happen
Your girlfriend's dumped you by text

Some affairs they burn so bright
Time's not the only test
Though ultimately you feel like shite
Your girlfriend's dumped you by text

The quintessential put down
Head and shoulders above the rest
She could have rang or called around
But dumped you instead by text

'UR DUMPT' the message tells you
Your girlfriend's now your ex
The Orange Network's left you blue
Your girlfriend's dumped you by text

Baddies have the best moustaches

For Illustration Friday Night

Zoot Suit

A homage to one of my favourite cartoons- Tom and Jerry. The episode (I think) was called Zoot Suit featured a very snazzy stripy double breasted suit, and though it's many, many years since I saw it, I remember it something like this. That's not meant to be Tom before I get stacks of abuse, just my version of a cat in a stripy suit.

My paradise

Cars

I did a whole series of these with poems and drivers. Never used them anywhere or found anyone interested in publishing them. So it goes.

Articulate Lorry

An old drawing that has never been published. Bad pun too.

When the cat's away...

The love of my life is in Spain and I can draw to my little heart's content back in Scotland without any questions about why I am not getting on with the decorating I promised to do- hooray! These were done for Illustration Friday Night so if you care enough go over there and you will get the context. If not the guy with the spider is a representation of a character in Anansi Boys the Neil Gaiman book and the other one is on the theme 'Shameless'. OK?

Neighbour

Fortune

Don't believe the hype- you can buy happiness!

Comment

I recently raised a small squall in a tiny teacup with my blog within Illustration Friday Night. It was fascinating to watch (and I admit, gently coax) the extremes of reaction, from those who 'got' the intended irony and satire in the piece and others who either chose to misinterpret them and then pound their fists in anger or even those who amazingly didn't get the fact that there was no offence intended at all. Of course a large part of the fault was mine in assuming that any subtlety in humour (and I have to say I thought there was bugger all subtlety!) would translate across the many different countries and cultures represented within IFN. For the record, and not in any way to mitigate the original post and comments but rather to expand on the points raised, I said that we should put older fatter women to work and replace them with younger women with large breasts. Not only am I not a misogynist, but I don't judge people by weight or shape. It. Was. A. Joke. By saying something completely outrageous and totally indefensible I thought to raise a slight smile on the face of anyone reading it. But then I am being called names, or having people waving admonishing fingers or others complaining that I am attention seeking. A lot of those comments were also said in the spirit of the original post and also meant to be dismissed as lightly but there is a fear that those who had the tone and nature of the humour pass them by with nothing but a slight whistling sound as it passed over their heads, were probably cheering on the detractors and thinking 'damn right' that sure showed him! Steve W. pointed to an interesting article in The Guardian by Tim Dowling picking up on the theme and the nature of posts on blogs. One of the points was to suggest we only say things in blogs that we would say in person. Well, personally I am a 6'3'' Glaswegian and will happily say the same things in person and deal with the consequences too. But in person I can adopt a sardonic air, raise an eyebrow or even crinkle the skin around my eyes in such a way as to make clear that it's fine, I'm only joking. However for the same reason as I would never literally stick my tongue in my cheek to signal a lack of sincerity I refuse to add LOL or a wee happy smiley face after a sarcastic sentence; if someone doesn't get that I am joking, tough.
So just to be clear: If I want to offend or insult someone I will not be subtle about it, I will happily call them a tosser to their face. If I make some outrageous statement apropos nothing whatever, I am joking. I mean no offence. Unless it's to dog owners. What a pathetic bunch of losers they are. LOL :)!!!

Green

What's green but turns red at the touch of a button?

I loved all those old Kermit jokes.

More Caricatures

Rene Russo and Madonna

Caricature time

I seem to have got out of the way of doing caricatures so I thought I would do this one. I used to do this regularly when I had a job on Scotland On Sunday newspaper as their editorial cartoonist.

My Spy

Spent all morning on the computer doing, among other things a new tutorial, so did this just to break the monotony. I think he looks like a B-movie poor man's James Bond. Or Roger Moore.

Photoshop Tutorial

I did this illustration for my Not Toon Club blog, and also as a tutorial which you can view by clicking here. I would be grateful for any feedback as it's the first time I have tried to explain in detail the process I use to draw my cartoons.

I Spy

Pretty sure I am ripping this joke off someone but it seemed to fit the theme of the week.

Total

The total number of people who have fitted into a phone box? 25.

And since they were a bunch of students how long do you think it was before one of them broke wind, loudly.

Wired 3

This is essentially the same as the last post but I still had (have?) some work to do on it. And then I stole a picture that my Dad took in Grangemouth- where's the point in having a famous photographer for a father if you can't pinch his work?

Wired 2

You see, I reckon that when robots rule the earth, as surely they must, there might still be a place for us humans. We'll send someone over when they get their wires crossed and it will be a crusty old worthy with patches on his tweed sports coat who will suck his teeth and say 'oooh tricky, it's going to cost you...'

Fitba'

One of the very many things I haven't got around to doing is a dictionary of football terms. With a cartoons strip to sell and a mortgage to pay it's been moved down the list of priorities but this morning's (Glasgow) Herald had an article by Hugh MacDonald that defined the 'out ball' and his description of the Buzz Lightyear like Sebo prompted me to scribble this guy. I'm sure that a small book called "The Offside Rule For Girls" will still be a big hit when I get around to it.

Wired

I immediately thought of 'wearing a wire' and the pulp fiction detective novels. My favourite in this (and one of my favourites in any) genre, is Raymond Chandler, who's books are like old friends that can be guarenteed to pick you up if you are feeling down. So this is someone caught wearing a wire and not looking to happy about the attention it's generating.

Hide

This topic reminded me of the old elephant joke (remember those?) Q.How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree? A. Paint it's toenails red.

Communication

Last time I was talking about the way gravity works in cartoons, but another thing that is fascinating is the 'speech baloon'. How did that get started? It's so much a part of our symbol language and a universal device, that everyone knows what it means to have a wee balloon with a pointy bit aiming at someone's mouth. If it looks like a cloud the subject is thinking, not talking. Jagged lines are often from tannoys or radios. And so on. Sorry I am just aimlessly rambling on now. I started by saying everyone knows this and went on to tell it anyway, like 'and here is a woman that needs no introduction...' followed by five minutes of drivel. Here's a cartoon, hope you like it.

Gravity

One of my favourite things in life, is cartoon physics. Not a total disregard for all the Newtonian Laws, more an acknowledgement that though they might well exist in the real world, there is no reason they have to follow the same boaring path in 'toon land. Who first decided that in a cartoon you only fall off a cliff once you realise you are standing in mid-air? Whoever you are sir or madam, I salute you.

Yes I ran out of time, too busy this week, but since I did most of the work I will publish it anyway. There is a complaints desk if you have a problem with that.

Crash 2

Just messing around with lighting effects, so thought I would add to my last post. Next stop I will be making him in to a stuffed toy. That's a joke. I have no intention of doing anything of the sort. Honest.

Crash

A couple of years ago my kids came across a feature in a comic asking for entries for a new character. The idea was for the kids to do it of course but for fun I designed this character- called 'Crash' (honest). I drew him from memory for my blog and added some sketches in the background to make it look more of a style sheet. Needless to say I didn't let them send in my drawing though not because it would have been cheating- I was afraid it would be rejected as not of a high enough standard. I would never have lived it down!

She-Sprout

Because sometimes vegetables are just bad!

Or something. I'd love to know the criteria for picking a subject on Illustration Friday 'cause the idea of using 'sprout' as a topic is mince (as we say in Glasgow). But I'd had a long day and was in the mood for doodling so I created this little minx. I don't have a single illustration job on the go at the moment so it's good to keep sharp with this stuff. I'm working on a few photographs for one of my favourite clients (the shopfitters Morris and Spottiswood) and some other bits and pieces, since you ask. In between that I am working on my new house. So today saw a shelf go up in a cupboard. As long as nothing heavier than one stuffed animal is ever put there we should be fine. Hell, I'm an artist darling, not a bloody joiner!

I got a rejection from an agent yesterday too- bloody cheek. 'Despite the very high quality of your work...yadda yadda yadda.' I think I'd rather they came back and said 'I'm not representing you, your stuff is shite!' Well maybe not, even my vast ego has a stretching point.

Has anyone taken the trouble to go and look at my new blog (the link is at the side there) Square Ball it's called and another work of complete genius, that I also haven't found a home for yet. But I will show them all- when I take over the world and everyone is beating a path to my door begging for my work I will laugh in the face of anyone who turned me down. Wa ha ha ha! That'll show them.

S

Red1.2

This is almost certainly of interest to no one but me- but I always meant to muck about with this one and so I did. Re drawn as a vector illustration and then numerous adjustment layers, alpha channels and filters applied in Photoshop and even a couple of effects in Painter. For no reason but to see what the difference would be. Oh well, it keeps me happy...

Red

Quick joke (not for children or the weak of heart)
Man on holiday in Spain and keen to sample authentic Spanish culture stops in at a little out of the way restaurant. Not being too daring he sticks to some fairly safe items on the menu but notices that at the table next to him the locals are eating something different- large round meat shapes in a rich tomato sauce. It looks delicious but he is a little wary so says nothing.
The next night he is back at the same place and still cautious about his choice of food but asks a waiter what it is that the other patrons are eating?
“Senor” the waiter explains “after the bullfight, it is a great delicacy to eat the balls of the bull in a thick tomato sauce with a touch of oregano”.
Our intrepid hero decides that the following night he will take a chance and once again returns to the restaurant and orders the 'special'. He is disappointed though when it arrives and the portion is very small, so he calls over the waiter-
“I am sorry to complain” he says “but the last two times I have been here the locals had much bigger servings, the size of the meatballs in my plate is tiny!”
The waiter sighs, shrugs and replies
“Well senor, you must understand... sometimes the bull wins.”

Super Tricia

I need your help! It's my neice's 14th Birthday today January 25th and my partner Maureen and I didn't send a card. So I made her into a super hero for Illustration Friday- now if I can get as many people as possible to wish her a happy birthday?

Please don't comment on the cartoon, just say happy birthday to Tricia and let's see how many people from all over the world we can get to post a message.

(Nothing bad will happen if you don't- I hate chain letters- but please pass this to other bloggers and see how many we can get to say something nice for her birthday)

Thanks

Stephen

Super Hero3

My analyst is deeply concerned by my spandex fetish and thinks that it masks a deep neurosis. I am (sort of) intending my Super Hero to be part of a larger drawing but I don't know if it's really worth the bother. In the meantime Merchandising Man finds he has landed in Glasgow and isn't sure why...